Cutting Anchors to Set Sail

Ayleah #Class of 2015

I have been rather quiet lately on social media. Most of it is because I have been navigating through some unchartered waters as I prepared to graduate another child, become comfortable in my new work environment, wrap my mind around what God is calling me to do while simply enjoying the simple moments of intimacy that I find in God's presence. As things have slowed down a bit, the reflections have began to pour in.  I realized that my first born is 20 years old, almost the exact age I was when I gave birth to him. At this time 20 years ago, he was 2 months old. Amazing, beautiful, perfect with God's glory all over his face. It's amazing to think about how life and time transforms us beyond those precious moments (good and bad) to here and now...still being shaped and molded for His purpose. I love it! Oh! I love you, too God!

Norris, Ayleah and Isaiah

As I continue to reflect on the many gracious seasons of my journey as a mother, many decisions that I made were a direct result of the 3 stair steppers that I had in tow for so many years. There unconditional love and the deep warmth found in their eyes gave me so much life and passion. They were always at the top of my priority list and no decision (small or large) was made without them in mind. As much as I probably should have been "selfish" at times to better my spiritual, physical and emotional health...It just never seemed right to think outside of their needs and wants. To the onlooker, some of my decisions at the time may have seemed "selfish" such as my aggressive educational endeavors, my remarriage and my job changes. But trust...each of my babies were always considered in all things because I had the burden to look into my future and build a foundation that would potentially better each of theirs.




Which brings me full circle...we celebrated a beautiful graduation for a beautiful 18 year old daughter this past weekend. Everything was perfect. On Tuesday night, after seeing a multitude of "beach week" pictures, I asked her, "Do you feel left out because you are not at beach week with everyone else celebrating graduation?" She pondered for a moment and answered me with the most heart warming, mature, to God be the Glory answer.

"No, because I am not like them anymore. I saw a girl at the gas station today that asked me the same question and I told her that there came a time in my Senior year where I had to cut the anchors to those who were holding me down and back & Set Sail on my own journey.  I understood that there are so many more things in life that are higher than me and them that I must now focus on. And, if I had went to beach week, I would not have had a good time because "we" are not of like spirits anymore. I love them but we are not into the same things. You just have to accept it when you've outgrown people."

 

I cried. No, I wept. I asked her, "Who are you?" with pride and humbleness realizing that she has learned something at 18 that I didn't learn until I was almost 40 years old. Every decision that I have made, every sacrifice that I endured to change and evolve as her mother was for this very moment. Every prayer, war cry, intercession and declared promises over her soul and ultimately her eternal life that I came against the enemy with was for this moment. I realized that even if I lost some battles, I did not lose the war.  Every battle is worth it. And our children, our loved ones, the lost souls are not to be given up on...no matter what. I realized that whether we are living upright, holy and according to God's word or not...our children are watching and learning from us how to trust God and stand on Him for all things. Believe that...

God is faithful and just! I give all honor to Him because it is through His transforming power that I am able to write this testimony today with pure thankfulness!!!