The Gift of Reflection

I sat on my porch yesterday evening, reflecting over my life and where I am today. I do this quite often...sometimes too much. On yesterday, my thoughts were consumed with how many mistakes I have made and how many times I almost made more but didn't by God's grace. It wasn't long before my husband joined me on this thought provoking journey and we started to talk about these mistakes and how they have shaped us into who we are today, at this very moment. I explained to him that I am in a place in my life that I have stopped trying to please everyone. I am solely trying to just please God. This new direction has led me to embrace some people, places and things that I wouldn't normally and it has also allowed me to let go of some people, places and things that I couldn't on my own. 

You see, I have a quite a few gifts. Some of my most strongest include being sensitive and empathetic, a forgiver, and the discernment of spirits. I am the person that can tell when something is wrong and will cry with you because I can feel your pain as if it were my own. I am also the girl that forgives easy and moves on to a higher road in any relationship. However, above these gifts is my ability to try the spirit by the spirit. Because of my sensitivity and discernment, I can tell when someone genuinely cares and loves me and means what they say or unfortunately means me no good or are a wolf in sheep's clothing.  These are very heavy gifts to carry sometimes because I don't always want to feel others pain and I don't always want to know people's true intentions. Nonetheless, it is my cross that I must bear and I must find ways to use it for the glory of the Kingdom.

"My heart is glad to be in this new space." This is what I told my husband while we chatted on the porch. I don't expect much from man. I don't look for validation from my friends and family by trying to please them anymore. I am who I am because of life experiences and how God made me. I came from where I came from because that was how it was suppose to be. I am not ashamed of anything in my past. I am no different than the next sinner who is seeking redemption from a merciful God. I am happy to be in this new space with my husband, children and God realizing they are all I need in order to be happy with me. I love you all!

 

1 John: 4

Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world. Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God:

And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world.Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.

They are of the world: therefore speak they of the world, and the world heareth them.We are of God: he that knoweth God heareth us; he that is not of God heareth not us. Hereby know we the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.

Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us.

If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.

Mother's Day 2011-The BEST!

Margaret & I

Can I just say that my Family out did themselves this year. I was filled with so much emotion that I could hardly stand all the love that I received on yesterday! My Mother's Day began on Saturday evening as I received a visit from my girlfriend, Margaret. She blessed me with a lovely card and a "pocketbook" charm for my bracelet. She wanted to highlight my love for shopping and pocketbooks!!!! (She knows me well!) :) We shared a glass of wine & tried to solve the world's problems before I konked out on my couch!

On the next morning, I woke up with excitement. I couldn't wait to get dressed for church and share the day with my First Family! My husband presented me with some high-heels to go with my dress. They were beautiful and just my style! 

Me & Aubrey (My heart!)

He also gave me a dozen of white roses to beautify my day even more. My daughter, Ayleah came downstairs with a homemade Mother's Day card expressing her love for me and then the banger...she gave me a scrapbook filled with pictures, memories, dates, etc...from all three of my children starting with Norris and ending with Isaiah. These pictures reminded me of why I am who I am and why I do what I do. I just cried my eyes out! The time and effort that it took to put this creative design together was more meaningful than anything they could have bought me. My role as a mother was bursting off those pages and my love for my 3 children was saturated from corner to corner!

After I got myself together and my makeup, we went off to church. I was pleasantly surprised to have the same girlfriend that shared my Saturday evening over wine to also join me for church! Also, another soul sister (Stephanie) was there as well with her family! I was feeling so blessed and overwhelmed with God's love! 

Me & My Babies!

Boy, was I in for a treat though and only God knew what was next. While sitting in service, my daughter (Ayleah) sends me a note pointing to a picture on the church program of our pastor Brian baptizing someone. She proceeds to tell me that she wants to get baptized on the date noted on the program. Isaiah asks me what is going on and I tell him. He then tells me that he wants to get baptized as well. Can I just say that I wanted to jump up and stop service right then to tell the world that my babies wanted to profess Christ and publicly acknowledge Him as their Lord & Savior. Of course, I started crying all over again! Another gift but that one was from God and could not be beat! Thank you Jesus!

My family then took me to a restaurant called Great Seasons for Mother's Day Brunch which was yummy, elegant and lovely! It had an awesome atmosphere and great food! After a much needed nap, we ended the evening by going out to the movies to see Fast Five! It was very good and the scenery wasn't half bad either...Needless to say, my Mother's Day was extraordinary and I am thankful to have received all the love from everyone who mattered the most! Thank you God for showing me that a Mother's love does not go unnoticed and all the sacrifices are truly worth it!

Mother's Day 2011

Staying Out of God's Business

I often wonder what people think of me. I wonder do they see the good in me or just the bad. I wonder do they appreciate my kindness or just take advantage of it as an entitlement. I sit back and ponder on my perception of the world and its perception of me. I imagine what could be going through their minds when my strong personality forces its way into a situation. I think about my love and wonder does everyone that I love, know that I love them and do they have any clue how much. 

I consider how I could be different, better, more intriguing without compromising who I am and what I have become due to my life's experiences. I think less about the past than I do the future. I don't wonder long about what people use to think about me because those are days of old. As the wondering comes to an end...I realize that I don't really care so much about what people think of me! I am strong & confident enough to know that 99.9% of me is good and pleasing to God. 

Yes, I fail...sometimes royally. Yes, I think evil thoughts and consider evil deeds. However, the love that God has bestowed upon me...I have in most cases chosen to turn the other cheek, pray for those that despitefully use me and forgive my enemies. "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;-Matthew 5:44" 

I think about the future that I am creating and how I can be a more perfected me. Individuals are cruel and in most cases have short memories of their own sin(s). We find it very easy to see the wrong in others instead of focusing on our own shortcomings. I have chosen to work daily on me and I refuse to point out others failures in their lives. I refuse to invoke my moral ideology on those surrounding me. My God is their God. Our God is a Just Keeper & Protector of our souls. He is able to chastise, rebuke and love us back to His spirit like no human can.  We are His representatives of the quality of life that the Kingdom of God offers. That means at home, in church, and in the marketplace -- we're each called by God to rise to our maximum level of achievement. It is His plan for us. Thank God that HE equips us (and teaches us His character) to reach His goals. I want to be a building block, a rock, a cornerstone, a lover, a true friend and Christ-follower...while being sure to stay out of God's business and mind my own.

Hank Williams says it best:

Mindin' other people's business seems to be high-toned
I got all that I can do just to mind my own
Why don't you mind your own business
If you mind your own business, you'll stay busy all the time.